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 Time
Out
Toddlers
and young children often enter a stage where they test
authority. Whether it's the "terrible twos" or sometime
during age three to five, parents know they're being tested.
One technique for discipline in order to redirect inappropriate
behavior and assert parental authority is known as "time
out." When used effectively, time out can be helpful for
helping a child understand his inappropriate behavior and allowing him
the chance to make amends.
Time out is most effective if it is applied with certain
guidelines. First, place the child in a safe place, such as
sitting on a step or on a specific chair. Sending a child to
his room only encourages him to play and it gives the child confusing
signals about his room. The child wonders if his room is
supposed to be a place of punishment or fun. The time out
step or chair is a definite place with a purpose - redirecting
inappropriate behavior. (When time out is used for
discipline, "discipline" becomes a word meaning "redirection" rather
than punishment.)
Secondly, the child should not be in time out for longer than one
minute per year old that she is. For example, six minutes is
appropriate for a six year old, while two minutes is appropriate for a
two year old. Children younger than two may not respond to
this discipline method until they are capable of understanding that it
is a consequence.
Thirdly, at the end of the time out, the following discussion should
take place: the child should articulate the reason for being put in
time out. This compels the child to admit to his
error. It also shows that the child understands that she did
something wrong. A parent can start the discussion by saying
something like, "Why were you placed in time out?"
The next step in the post-time out dialogue is that the adult asks the
child what could have been done instead of the inappropriate
act. For example, the adult might say, "What could you have
done instead of hitting? What would have been a better
choice?" This gives the child a chance to come up with a more
appropriate alternative. When using this disciplinary
technique, it is good to empower the child in a positive way.
Giving validation to his thoughts is one way to do this.
The child should then apologize to whoever has been offended by his
inappropriate behavior. The words that seem to be the easiest
for most children are, "I'm sorry for ____, and I won't do it
anymore." Saying that she won't do it anymore reinforces to
both the child and the one receiving the apology that there will be an
effort to improve.
Time out can be a helpful discipline tool for parents with young
children. It is not the only tool, but it can help get
through those trying times, and also empower the child with appropriate
language and knowledge that they are capable of making better choices.
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